


Fear of the Dark

by scandalous_in_belgravia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Cheeky Bucky Barnes, Dirty Talk, Dominant Bucky, Dominant Winter Soldier, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader - Freeform, My First Smut, Occasional angst, Occasional fluff, Original Character(s), Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Shameless Smut, Shower Sex, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Violence, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, bucky barnes smut, female SHIELD agent, just lots of porn, occasional plot, reader - Freeform, some more porn, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 00:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7144232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scandalous_in_belgravia/pseuds/scandalous_in_belgravia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shameless Smut that might develop into a nice story at some point :D</p><p>While training, a female SHIELD agent and Bucky Barnes realise for the first time they might no be so different. With all the sexual tension, smut ensues. </p><p>*And before you can even react to that insolence, with a quick movement of arm and leg you are flipped and pinned to the ground, Bucky’s huge intimidating shape hoovering over you. “I’ve been watching you for weeks, you beat up all of them, again and again, but me … not yet, sweetheart! I’m always on top.” His lips had come dangerously close.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hit the Mat

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic (and then immediately shameless smut :D) ever. I'm just writing my Master's thesis and apparently needed to write something less *hehem* academic. Also my crush for Bucky Barnes obviously got out of hand with Civil War ;)
> 
> I would love to hear what you think, so please leave comments :)  
> I already have a next chapter kind of ready, so if people like it I might continue with more smut, but also a little bit more plot and we might find out what happened to our poor female agent before all of this.

The more you trained, the better you had naturally become. And recently you spent all of your days and most of your nights working out, trying to keep your mind silent from all the thoughts running wild every unoccupied second. You were in the training facilities for already three hours after having finished your job in the tactical division and had by now defeated men two times your size with a simple twist of your wrist. Martial arts and close combat had always been one of your best assets, the years of ballet and dancing you were put through as child guaranteed unique flexibility and balance which made you one of the best combatants around. With no more than a deep inhale and a quick kick the next SHIELD specialist hit the mat. Your fighting skills were quite impeccable and you started to get bored, your mind already dangerously starting to race.

When carrying out the next attack against some poor sod who was paired against you, you felt eyes piercing your back. Without much effort your opponent was hurled across the room and you heard a soft chuckle from the door of the gym, before a deep voice, velvety smooth, announced: “ _Sure looks like none of those pantywaists are an actual match for you… How about you try me, doll_?" You sighed. As if the vibrant voice wasn’t enough clue, the excessively used “doll” gave it away immediately. When you turned you were met by two piercing blue-grey eyes, holding your irritated look in check. Bucky Barnes, Winter Soldier… He had been around for some while now, turning every female agent’s head with his smiles, puppy eyes and charming pet names. Mostly it was your duty to get them back to attention and work and by now you were seriously annoyed by his nonchalance behaviour. Standing now in front you, despite your exasperated mood, you couldn’t help but to see the appeal: Soft full lips turned up in a cheeky smirk and the body of … well, a supersoldier. At the facilities you were mostly seen as the cold-hearted bitch that never allowed herself or others any fun or distractions, but life had simply taught you quite forcefully that once your guard was down, you would be most vulnerable and you had then decided to never be hurt again. You needed your pain to be buried deep down where no one was to see.

Bucky’s tight training clothes were clinging to his flexing muscles as he slowly moved into your direction, you eyeing his every movement, in the same way he was scrutinizing you, taking in every inch of your well trained yet ample body. Soon you were unable to hold his intensive gaze and cast down your eyes. “ _Or are you frightened of me, baby girl? Maybe finally you met a guy who can keep up with you_?” You could hear his amusement and yet … was this admiration? Bucky had always treated you as being non-existent, focussing his attention on giggling low level agents whom he chased around the facilities all day.

“ _Come at me, soldier_ ” you finally tease, suddenly full of excitement over a challenging fight, and you take your stance.

With one rapid motion his metal arm shots forward, with one fluent movement however you duck to the side and land your first kick with the right leg right on his rips. You can hear the air leaving Bucky’s chest, slightly surprised over the strength that such a tiny woman could have, and his eyes narrow. A dangerous and almost aroused glitter appears in his bottomless eyes. You immediately know you are in trouble. With insane speed the winter soldier deals blows on both your sides. Your small body and agility, however, allow you to dodge most of them, in turn landing hits on his legs and chest. Nevertheless, you soon have to admit that you are no match whatsoever for him. You move across the room in an almost silent dance, only breath and grunts are heard when kicks and hits are exchanged, spinning and turning until, in one moment of carelessness, you manage to jump and kick both his legs out under him. With a thud Bucky hits the mat, and in one quick movement, before you can even think, you straddle his hips, trying to pin him down. You lean forward, your lips almost touching his ear as you feel his chest rising and falling with deep breaths. “ _You are holding your punches, soldier_ ” you whisper reproachfully. A soft chuckle leaves the lush lips: “ _How could I hurt such a gorgeous doll? Just doesn’t seem right, ya know_!” And before you can even react to that insolence, with a quick movement of arm and leg, you are flipped and pinned to the ground, Bucky’s huge intimidating shape hoovering over you. “ _I’ve been watching you for weeks, you beat up all of them, again and again, but me … not yet, sweetheart! I’m always on top._ ” His lips had come dangerously close, you could feel his hot breath on your mouth and the tension seemed almost intolerable until with a jolt, Bucky pulled away, releasing your hands he had pushed to the ground. You let out a breath you didn't realise you held in, somehow disappointed by the sudden lack of closeness to his body. Bucky was already on his feet again, looking down on you, the damnable smirk plastered broadly across his face again. “ _You don’t worry though, doll, I don’t think I’m done with you yet_.” Despite his smile his voice sounded raw, feral, as if even now he was holding back somehow, causing his voice to almost become a growl, before he turned around on his feet and walked away, leaving you bewildered and confused, sitting there on the gym floor. You absentmindedly rub your wrist were smooth cool metal had pinned you down, leaving a tingle on your skin.

 It had gotten late, as almost every day. Sleep wasn’t really your friend, so you mostly stayed up far longer than anybody else in the facilities. You had continued to train in pairs until the last agent left, then went on to weights and later finally cardio and stretching. The whole floor was deserted as you stepped into the shower, dripping with sweat and inhaled deeply as the hot water hit your strained muscles. Fighting hard to keep the image of Bucky Barnes' eloquently moving body out of your mind, you let your head hang low, causing the soothing water to run over your head and face. Without being called for, the feeling of Bucky’s hips beneath your legs and his lips close to yours force themselves back into your head. “ _Get yourself together, agent_ ” you scold yourself. Deep in thought you never heard the door to the showers and only yank your head up in complete shock when the one to your shower cubicle is slowly pulled open. Completely frozen in surprise and embarrassment it takes a few seconds for you to process that someone just walked in on you in the shower.

Then you feel smooth metal fingers, cool and slightly vibrating with electricity softly touching your shoulder, caressing, before gliding down your spine. A silver arm snakes around your waist and pulls you back into a naked chest of Bucky Barnes. “ _I told you I wasn’t done with you yet_!” Already the harsh deep voice is enough to cause your stomach to clench with longing you hadn’t experienced in a long time. The chiselled muscles moving under his bare skin do the rest. Bucky presses you into his naked body, fingers starting to languidly move over your stomach, up your costal arch to lazily circle your breasts before dancing around your throat, threat and seducing promise alike. Lips softly touching the side of your neck and then your ear, a hushed whisper escape Bucky's seducing mouth: “ _You are the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen._ ” You can feel his breath on your wet skin, followed by a first passionate kiss attacking your body right were your neck and shoulder meet. Your sigh turns into a first soft moan as his lips and teeth leave bruises full of desire around your shoulders and neck, his arms never loosening the tight embrace he was holding you in.

Only after minutes of rough, possessive kisses that weaken you legs and make the heat pool between your legs, his right hand starts to move again, while the metal arm keeps you pressed into his body. You can't help but notice his impressive length already hard against your ass, the thought of him inside you making your moans even louder as you arch your back into him. His hand finds your breasts, fingers ghosting softly over them before his fingertips start to caress your hardened nipples. " _Bucky..._ " For the first time your sighs form his actual name causing Bucky to utter a groan himself, hearing you already coming undone in his arms. His silver arm moves from your throat to your jawline, turning your head towards him and only now you look into his eyes. The blue was hardly recognisable, his pupils dilated with dark lust and showing the same feral glimmer as before. Without hesitation Bucky captures your lips in a rough kiss, licking your lower lip before softly pulling on it. Eagerly you open your mouth, finally throwing aside any last hesitations you might have had about being naked in the shower with James Buchanan Barnes. His mouth dominates yours, tongue dancing around yours, tasting, exploring, becoming more passionate and demanding every second. While his right hand was still playing with your breast, and lips never leaving yours, his metal arm sneaks down your body, sliding over your hips before delving between your legs. You gasp into his mouth as you feel smooth fingers slowly stroking your drenched folds before coming up again to circle your clit. “ _So wet … and all for me, doll…_ ” Bucky harshly whispers against your lips. You can’t help but whimper when another languid stroke makes your legs tremble with desire for more. “ _Bucky …_ ” you plead almost breathless. “ _Yes, sugar, what is it_?” You almost wanted to hit him, feeling his smirk against your lips. He had you at his mercy and knew it.

“ _Tell me what you want, doll face, and I am happy to comply._ ”

“ _You, I need you, Barnes, I need to have you!_ ” Months of annoyance and frustration over his reckless behaviour and flirts were finally erupting in this confession you had refused to admit even to yourself.

You felt the man behind you taking in a ragged breath, obviously fighting to keep his own composition when hearing your pleading tone and feeling your body writhe in his arms. You pressed back against his now stone hard cock and grinded your ass, causing Bucky to moan lowly in return. With a quick thrust two silver fingers pushed into you soaking wet pussy, eliciting a sound full of relief and want from you that was probably heard through the whole shower compartments. Holding you tight against his body with his right arm, his left hand began to painfully slowly move in and out, building up heat in your whole body but still not nearly enough. Keeping his annoying pace, his thumb comes up to your clit and begins to press against your sensitive spot. Eager for more friction you start to move and thrust your hips, while your moans and sighs come faster and more breathless. Finally picking up his speed, you hear Bucky’s husked voice again: “ _Always so passionate, doll, both when fighting and when being fucked. I think I need to keep very close watch on you._ ” With that he bites down on the sensitive spot on your neck, almost drawing blood. The mix of pleasure and pain is nearly enough to send you over the edge, his fingers moving even faster inside you, curling and hitting all the right spots. Hearing your loud whimper, Bucky adds a third finger before whispering against your shoulder: " _Cum for me, sugar, I want to hear you scream my name. All your sweet strained sounds almost made me take you then and there on the mat._ ” His low voice vibrating against your body is the final push you need. With a hoarse scream of his name, just as he demanded, you come undone on his fingers. While his hand keeps slowly fucking you, the other one shimmers over your body, caressing your sensitive skin while riding out your orgasm, his voice never stopping to praise you “ _You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, all those pretty sounds you make for me, the way you move in my arms, the way my fingers slide in and out your wet cunt, I need to have you, NOW!_ ” And with a growl that accompanied the last word, he pushes you forward so your forehead rests on the tiles of the shower while his knee pushes our legs apart. Griping your hips tight with his metal hand while the other snakes in your wet hair, he pushes inside you with one swift motion. Still raw and sensitive, your mouth drops open, accompanied by an intensive moan. He fills you perfectly and to the very brink, leaving you with a sensation never felt before. Your head already starts to cloud again and you can feel the pressure building up in your lower body. Without giving you much time to adjust, Bucky pulls out, only to forcefully drive his cock back deep inside you. His composure clearly crumbling he allows himself raw low moans. “ _You’re so tight, and so hot around me, so gorgeous, already the sight of my cock pounding into your wet pussy is enough to make me come all over you._ ” You’re only able to answer with another scream of his name, as he picks up the pace, now fucking you relentlessly. His tight grip on your hips was surely going to form bruises tomorrow, nevertheless you started to move your hips in unison with Bucky, grinding and thrusting back, bringing both of you even closer to your climaxes. It didn’t take long before Bucky’s dominant and rough movements, constantly hitting your very spot were enough to have you panting and screaming, edging closer and closer to your release. Feeling your nearing orgasm, Bucky pulls on your hair causing you to right yourself up and presses you against his chest once again. While still pounding into you, his metal fingers find you clit and his breathless voice demands once again: “ _Cum with me, baby girl, let me hear you come around my cock_.” With one last scream you feel your walls clenching around him, before your eyes roll back and your vision blurs due to the intensity of your orgasm. You arch your back to push Bucky even deeper inside you while pressing his hand to your clit with your own, fingers interlacing. Bucky continues with a few more strokes, elongating and intensifying your bliss before your moans and screams also cause him to come undone with a growl.

When slowly coming down from your high you slump forward, resting your head against the shower wall once more, while Bucky leans against you. Still panting, Bucky reaches up to cup your cheek, softly stroking your skin, surprising you with his careful and gentle movements. With a kiss on you shoulder and a broad smirk he pulls out of you, leaving you uncomfortably empty. Before you can even react, his lush lips graze your ear once more: “ _I’m looking forward to our next training session_!” And with that he stepped out of the shower and walked away, leaving you with an impressive view of his perfectly moulded butt, your own shaking legs and a jet of already cold water.


	2. Two Souls in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and our agent meet again....  
> Ah, what should I tell you, more late night smut because why the hell not?  
> But there is some fluff at the end and I swear there will be more plot and fluff soon ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished my thesis, hell yeah! So I'll finally have time to do some writing!  
> Also again, feel free to leave comments. I'd love to hear what you think :)

Due to your constant urge to train and keep yourself occupied, most of your gym clothes were now in the laundry, which was only to be ready tomorrow. Unsure your roamed through your closet until you found a more than tight tank top that would also have to do as sports bra and some worn out yoga pants that hung dangerously low on your hips. “ _Well, whatever_ ", you thought, “ _there was hardly anyone going to see me at 3am anyway_.” The only other person you knew roaming the nights just as you did, was Bucky Barnes, tortured by memories and his past just as you were. You hadn't seen him again after the infamous shower scene. The whole team had left for a mission in the early morning the next day and while you could tract their movements and communication from the headquarters, no direct contact was made. And you surely didn't wish to discuss your late night shower escapades via the official intercoms. The experience had confused you profoundly, and what was worst, it had brought back memories you had hoped you had buried deep down. Flashbacks and nightmares were haunting you again, you were on the very edge, not being able to sleep, anxious and with deep shadows under your eyes. You hated Bucky for doing that to you, and despised yourself even more for not being able to stop thinking about him, his muscular arms, his lips, his voice ... you already knew that it would be another sleepless night for you yet again. You trotted down the hallway and into the kitchen to get yourself something to drink before heading off to the gym.  
You were rummaging through the top shelfs of the kitchen, trying to find one of those carbon tablets, high on your toes with the top slipping up baring almost all of your back. A noise at the door made you spin around; arms up in defence, ready to fight, your anxiety levels at an ultimate high, you didn't even trust the SHIELD facilities to be safe. You knew better.

  
As you saw the figure in the doorway you tensed even more, not thinking that was possible. The glistening of the hallway-light on his left side gave it away even in the half lit kitchen: with tousled, damp hair and only wearing tight black boxers there stood Bucky Barnes. " _Um, sorry, I… I didn’t know someone else was here, but I guess I’m not the only one having trouble sleeping_?”. Clearly the team had just come back from the mission, you could see bruises already turning blue and purple on his chest and arms. Despite you not knowing how to behave around the man that made you scream in delight only a few days ago, his deep soft voice caused you to relax slightly. “ _Don’t worry_ ," you said. “ _I am just a bit weary these days…_ “, trying to behave just as nonchalant as he was, even though you had the feeling that also Bucky was unsure as to how to behave. This man was profoundly confusing you: Both a tough, rough deadly assassin, full of dominance and power, he also seemed to have this soft side, delicate, pensive and unbelievably charming.

  
You leant against the counter and couldn’t help but admire the majestic figure that was still looming at the door, big, strong, somehow unsettling, and yet utterly handsome. “ _Might be the lack of sleep, doll_ ”, you hear a soft chuckle in his voice and force your eyes from his intoxicating body to his full lips, now having a slight smirk playing around their corners. There it was again: Doll… no one had ever called you any term of endearment since the incident. They didn’t match, you had gone cold and cynic. Nevertheless, right here, right now, in the dark of the night, the soft caring sound rolled over you with a deep warmth you had almost forgotten you could feel. Memories of a steam filled shower cubicle shot through your mind, making your stomach clench with want.

  
“ _So, what is your remedy for the ones roaming the dark?_ ” His flirty tone caught you off guard, apparently Bucky had recovered from the surprise of meeting you here. Even though you could not fully see his face against the light of the hallway, you could feel his eyes scrutinizing you from top to bottom. You suddenly became painfully aware of the top clinging to your skin and the oh so low trousers. Slightly embarrassed you avert your gaze, grabbing your water bottle. “ _I had planned on getting some training in …what about you_?” ” _Oh I don’t know, sitting in the dark and trying to figure out my life?_ ” His tone was playful, jokingly, but you could hear his sadness underneath the banter. “ _Yeah, tried that, didn’t work out, either_ ," you chuckle sarcastically. Why was this man making you feel so at ease the moment he spoke to you? Despite his intimidating shape, he emitted a sense of safety… and of …empathy. Not the kind of pity you were getting from everyone around here, the one that you despised, but true compassion, as if he knew how you were feeling … and then you realised: he was, from all the people around, the one who truly knew what it meant to have HYDRA rip your life apart and inflict more pain on you than you could have ever imagined. The enormous figure of a man gave himself a little push to move away from the doorframe and as you watched him casually stroll towards you, you couldn’t help but realising how good he smelled. Flustered by your thoughts that brought back memories of the man who had destroyed your life and had caused your miserable state, you yourself started moving across the room to avoid any more closeness or confrontation. You had never let anyone near you again after the incident, you never wanted to feel that vulnerable again… and yet you couldn’t help but notice a soft sting of disappointment when you walked passed Bucky towards the door. You actually felt comfortable in his presence and right next to him the musky scent of shower gel and a hint of sweat was even stronger, waking old memories of how it felt to wake up in the morning, next to someone, your nose buried deep in the crease of their neck. The pain of the picture was almost too much. You clenched your fists to find your composure again and moved past him.

Suddenly the metal arm jolted forward, grasping your wrist, the surprising coolness of metal on your skin and the unexpected touch making you wince as you halt in your steps and finally turn your head to look into those deep cerulean eyes. “ _I know what you have been going through_ ”, Bucky whispers, softly pulling at your wrist, to make you turn around fully and take a step towards him. “ _I know what they have done to you._ ” Embarrassed you cast your eyes down to the floor, embarrassed that apparently everyone knew about your past, about your failure. You feel a single hot tear forming and trickling down your cheek. “ _Even after 2 years there are still days you can’t even stop the whining_ ” you scolded yourself angrily, “ _Put yourself together!_ ”. A finger appears underneath your chin and softly raises it, so that you again find yourself looking into those eyes. “ _I know how it feels_ ”, you heard his voice, hoarse with emotion too, “ _I know… Don’t let them get to you, doll … Not you, not your gorgeous body, not your beautiful mind, never let them get the best of you, baby girl!_ ” With every word his face had come closer, his hair now touching your cheek, his lips mere inches away from yours as he whispers the last words. “ _You are so strong_ ” and with this his lips graze yours, and as you don’t pull away, he softly kisses your lower lip, slightly sucking on it. And you knew, this was the moment you had lost, a warm sensation spreading through your body, shutting out all anxiety, all insecurity, making you feel wanted and, for the first time in 2 years, safe. You reach up to cup the tall man’s head and pull him down towards you, giving in to all those sensations. You open your mouth as his tongue slides across your lips and immediately you two are entangled in a fever-like kiss, exploring each other’s mouths, breathing hot air into each other. Bucky sneaks a strong arm around your waist, pressing you into his tremendous chest. “ _I’ve had my eyes on you the moment I saw you for the first time, baby doll._ ” Bucky whispers, lips again moving up in that roguish grin. Before you are able to even utter one sensible response his lips crash again onto yours. Your hands, almost as if having a life of their own, rummage over Bucky’s defined body as you explore his muscles and scars with frantic fingers. The hand from the small of your back slowly creeps forward and soft fingers caress the skin revealed by the low cut trousers, As it finally slips under your shirt, Bucky’s lips pull away from you, leaving you both panting with passion. When your gaze meets his, you can see his eyes already dilated with desire, showing again the well known glimmer of animal ferocity in them that reminded you that the man in front of you was after all still a deadly assassin. With a predatory movement his lips dive to your neck, caressing, kissing, licking every soft spot of flesh around your vulnerable pulse point, leaving you breathless, while calloused fingers draw soft circles around your breasts, gently grazing your nipples, until you hear a sharp tear of fabric and you feel cold air touching your already hardened buds. The silver mechanic hand had snuck up and ripped your shirt open, making it the last time you were to wear that revealing piece of clothing.

“ _Mhmm, you taste so good, doll._ ” you can more feel than hear the deep rumble of Bucky’s voice as his lips and tongue move lower to caress your collar bone. You let out a ragged moan, desire already almost fully clouding your brain. “ _How can this man… what effect is he having on you …you hardly know him_ ” are the last consecutive sentences you manage to form in your mind, before Bucky decides to draw rough circles around your nipples with his tongue, sucking, tugging at them with his teeth. An even louder moan escapes your mouth and you can feel Bucky smile against your skin “ _You like that, baby girl … you like what I’m doin' to ya?_  "As a response you push into him even more, writhing in his arms under the touch of his lips and tongue that leave sloppy kisses all over your breasts. As his hands move down to your hip bones and fingers hook in the waistband of your trousers, you can feel hot breath at your ear and a husky voice vibrating: " _I’m gonna fuck you, baby girl, so good and so hard you will forget everything. I’m gonna make you cum until my name is all you know, you want that, baby girl?_ ” You’ve always had a weak spot for the dominant guys and hearing this man, this soldier, radiating power and strength and stamina, whispering dirty pleasantries in your ear, left you panting and whimpering for more. “ _I said, you want that_?” Bucky’s voice was almost a growl as he used his hands on your hips to push you into him even more. Through the thin fabric of his boxer shorts you could feel how hard he already was, and grinding into him you realised your panties were already completely drenched.

“ _Yes, yes, I would like that, soldier_ ” you finally manage to utter between ragged breathing and immediately you watch Bucky letting go of everything that had held him back before. With animalistic force he lifts you up and carries you to the couch that was standing on the far side of the kitchen for someone who might desire to have a more relaxed breakfast. Lying you down, he ripped your pants from your legs and was almost immediately towering over you. While the metal arm supports his whole weight, his other arm traces your sternum, slides across your stomach and over your already soaked panties. You shudder at the sensation and mimic his movement as you caress the bulging muscles of his back, move across his ribs to his stomach and down that trail of soft dark hair to where his boxershorts already seem to have trouble keeping his impressive length at bay. As you run your fingers across the bulge, it was finally Bucky’s turn to let out a soft moan. However, you lost complete power over your movements, as he finally slides his hands under the hem of your panties and drags his fingers across you wet core. “ _Oh baby … already so wet for me, I can’t wait to feel that tight soft pussy around my cock again._ “ “ _Bucky_ ” more a plea than anything else, his name falls from your lips and as if he had waited for that exact moment his finger delve deep inside you, making your hips buck and your mouth open in a silent scream. With one quick movement Bucky catches your lips with his, muffling your moans as he adds a second finger, forcefully pumping into you, causing a tingling feeling to spread all over your body. Your hands roam over his back, fingernails leaving red marks as you draw them over his skin, eliciting a rough moan from the man stooping over you. Clinging onto his shoulders you press yourself up into his chest, hard nipples grazing over his flushed skin, pushing his fingers even deeper inside you. You are already close, but for once decide to not give in into clouded sensation, but to get back at him for his insolence during your last training and maybe even surprise the skilled deadly assassin hoovering over you. With an even stronger push upwards, you press against Bucky's shoulders and swoop out his arm under him. With a spin you turn Bucky around, eliciting a grunt of surprise from him before he lets it happen. His sculpted body now lying on his back beneath you, you take a moment to drink in the view and lick your lips. " _Looks like you're not always on top after all, soldier!"_ you manage to breath our before his fingers, despite your manoeuver still inside you, start to move and curl again,  reaching even deeper due to your changed position. You shudder and harshly moan again, before it requires all of your will-power to take his hand, and remove it before bringing it to your lips. You languidly lick his fingers, tasting yourself on him, before you take his digits between your lips and suck. Bucky watches you with wide blown eyes, desire clearly apparent in his clouded gaze. You let his fingers pop out of your mouth and crawl over his breathtaking body to entangle his lips in one open mouthed passionate fight of tongues, before moving to his chiselled chest and stomach, leaving sloppy kisses. You lick along the hem of his boxer shorts before hooking your thumbs underneath the waistband and pulling them down. With one last look into those now almost dark blue eyes, you bend down and lightly swirl your tongue around the head of his cock. Bucky lets out a ragged moan and his head falls back, eyes closed. You lick over the already leaking tip again before letting your tongue glide down the shaft to the very bottom. Bucky’s hand moves up and fists your hair, tightening when you finally decide to take him fully into your mouth. You delicately enjoy the feeling of his cock in your mouth, exploring it with your tongue, sucking, licking, coaxing more and more breathless sounds from the man underneath you. When you decide to move faster and deeper you can feel Bucky’s abs tightening, the sight of this man’s perfect lips half opened and his hooded eyes watching you is almost enough to send you over the edge too. But then Bucky gently pulls you up  and captures your lips again with his dominating mouth. “ _I need to be inside you, doll_ ” his husked voice explains. You straighten yourself up again and hoover over his cock with you wet warmth, slowly teasing him and yourself. Bucky however, growing impatient, pushes himself up, arm grabbing your waist, lips next to your ear, breathlessly whispering: “ _Stop the teasing or I swear you will regret it, babe!_ ” And with another dominating kiss full of need and passion, he pushes you down onto his cock. You gasp at the feeling of him inside you, stretching you, the tight embrace he still holds you in giving you the feeling of extreme intimacy. Slowly you start to move together, Bucky never loosening his grip on you, his mouth still sloppily kissing the corners of your lips until your head falls back as you arch your body, revelling in the feeling building up between your legs and slowly spreading across your whole body. Your deep sighs start to from his name as he moves faster underneath you and you answer his administrations with circular movements of your hips. His mouth finds your exposed throat and chest, softly biting and marking you. It doesn’t take long until your vision goes blurry and you feel yourself nearing the edge. Bucky, hearing your deep moans and seeing your face almost close to ecstasy, firmly grabs your ass and shifts his hips, reaching even deeper and hitting your very spot. His dark voice whispering in your ear: “ _Come on, baby doll, let me see you come undone, let me see you cum_ ” is enough to finally make your vision explode as your orgasm rips through your body. Fingernails hark over Bucky’s back as you push him deeper inside of you to intensify the feeling. It only takes a few more movements before your body tensing around him, moaning his name over and over again is also enough to make Bucky release. With a loud growl he spends himself inside you and collapses back unto the couch, taking you with him, arms around your body, holding you tight while you rest your head on his chest. He softly caresses your back with his fingertips as you both recover from your passion.

  
Lying there, it was the first time since forever that you felt safe and protected. You knew he was also wandering the floors at night, sleepless and tortured by memories. The Bucky you saw strechted out underneath you was different to what you had seen before: Not the charming, cheeky, yet deadly, assassin that dominated his surroundings, but something ... more. You realised that for the first time you didn't see a mask, but the real man. Lost, trying to make sense of everything, of his past, his future, desperate in his search for peace and a feeling of closeness and belonging. The radiant self-confidence was gone and replaced by pain and vulnerability that showed on his face, alongside fear of again being hurt. You recognised that look, you had seen it on your face a hundred times when you thought no one was watching. And you realised you were the same, two souls in the dark finally finding something they might be able to cling to, to not loose themselves in the lightless dark their life had become.


	3. The day SHIELD fell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the dark of the night things return we all would like to bury...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I can't just only fill my story with smut, I tried to write something a little bit more angsty as a little background story for our agent. I'm not sure if I am any good at all, so please let me know if I should rather stick to the porn :D

An annoying sound coming from your alarm reached your ears and wearily your eyes started to move, still closed, yet the sunlight of the morning was already very insistently reminding you of the need to get up. Before you could master to move your limbs, a hand slowly crept across your lower belly and pulls you back into a muscular chest. Hair tickles your shoulders as you hear Pat mumbling _No, don’t get up_ before softly kissing your neck. His fingers trail across your abs in an intimate movement. You groan and stretch your tired and sore body, work at SHIELD had been more than exhausting recently and you couldn’t wait for your holiday due in one week to relax at some beach with your boyfriend. You groan again before deciding to open your eyes, taking his hand, placing a swift kiss on his palm and move out of bed in one quick movement. You hear a disappointing sound behind you, but nevertheless decide to get going. The current missions you had to supervise were crucial to SHIELD and sleep wasn’t really on the to-do-list, unfortunately neither was your boyfriend. You shot a quick _sorry, love ya_ , in the direction of the bed, answered by undefinable mutter before you get ready for the day.

At 6:30am you were in the commando centre for Division Europe, coffee in hand and fully immersed in your work. As tactical coordinator, a position you had risen to despite your young age due to hard work and training and excellent results at university, an immense responsibility was placed on your shoulders. You monitored several teams, safehouses and missions spread across all of Europe. At a minimum 10 radio frequencies were open at the same time, clattering with conversations, questions and orders. You were aware of the controversy surrounding Steve Rogers aka Captain America and Fury’s death, but your job had been so busy you hardly had any time to think about your position in the mess. Your loyalty lay with SHIELD, but on the other hand, Steve Rogers had for you always been the personification of all its principles.

When the news from the Triscelion came in and HYDRA emerged from the shadows to finally show its ugly face, all hell also broke loose in your commando base. Shooting and explosions were heard all across the building while you hurried to extract essential information to ensure the safety of your teams and agents overseas. You knew immediately you had to defend your commando centre against all odds to not let anything get into the hands of HYDRA. Your team was well picked, all seemed to maintain loyalty to SHIELD, nevertheless you made sure to evacuate all personal from the room, leaving only you and three of your closest employees.

You barricaded yourself inside the control room, even though you were a skilled fighter you also had highly trained bodyguards accompanying you at all times since you had crucial information on SHIELD's operations and missions. HYDRA hadn’t tried to break through the security glass yet and all seemed suddenly very quiet. You tried to communicate with other SHIELD authorities but it was impossible to maintain a radio connection in all of the chaos. While attempting to coordinate the defence of the building and the floor with other staff, you suddenly heard the swoosh of the glass door and froze. " _Hello love, having trouble?_  " You immediately recognised the familiar voice and relax. Pat was here, God knows why, since he was normally not stationed in your facility, but he was here in all this madness. You turned around to see his face, gorgeous as ever, the one you had just kissed goodbye a few hours ago, but now suddenly with an evil smile on his lips. Then your gaze fell to the badges on his shoulders. Red and black burns into your eyes and before you can even react, he moves a finger and the deafening sound of bullets fill the room. Your bodyguards and co-workers drop to the floor around you, unable to even master up a defence, stunned at how Pat’s tactical team was even able to open the door you had locked from the inside … with your personal keycard. The moment you see the white card with its magnetic strip in Pat's hand, embarrassment and guilt are about to overwhelm you. Pat would have had several opportunities to copy your keycard. You had believed him to be a fellow SHIELD agent and therefore hadn’t payed close attention to where it was all the time he was with you. After all you had shared an apartment for almost 2 years now.

Your face distorted by the expression of deep shock, you were unable to move, unable to even begin to understand the betrayal by the man you loved with all your heart and who had so softly touched your skin on this very morning.

 _"Well, love, I always said I wanted to visit your workplace, didn’t I?_  " Pat’s voice was dripping with cruel sarcasm as he stepped closer, forcing you to move back until your thighs hit the control table and you were unable to further escape his broad body, looming over you. "N _ow, that’s not a proper welcome for me, is it? Why don’t you give your man a kiss, love?"_ Pat’s hand shots up and wraps around your throat, slowly squeezing, while your whole body is still frozen in shock and disbelieve. Only when he forces his lips onto yours, you manage to rip through your rigidity and bite down, hard. Pat’s bottom lip immediately breaks and blood trickles down his chin. He lets go, chuckles darkly and spits out the blood filling his mouth before landing a hard blow against your cheek. " _You always have been a fighter, haven’t you, darling?_ Your head flies back but nevertheless you have finally overcome the storm of emotions raging inside you and your will to fight was back. With lightning speed and all the strength you could master, you deal hits against his head and upper body. His full tactical gear and bullet proof vest however protects Pat from most of your attack and immediately two HYDRA agents accompanying him grab your arms, holding you back.

Now it was Pat’s turn, blow after blow hits your body, pain shoots through every muscle and bone but yet you decide not to slump and keep your head high. Your heart was breaking with ever strike, rendering the physical pain nothing compared to the internal suffering, as you watched your lover’s fist rise and fall, the lack of emotion in his eyes and the cruel grin on his lips.  When he finally stepped back, his grin widened into a full smile, a muscular hand now softly brushing the strand of hair that had escaped your bun during the beating away from your face. " _But, I’m sorry, hun, where are my manners, of course we have a reason to be here and I will give you the opportunity to cooperate and avoid a lot of pain… after all you have given me quite a few pleasurable nights in the last 3 years."_

Until now you still had had that little glimmer of hope, that little light in all the darkness that Pat had simple chosen the wrong side in this conflict, had been tempted by whatever promises HYDRA had made sometime during your time together. Now it was clear without a doubt what your relationship had been: A mission, a joke, an illusion, an act. It was in this very moment you thought your world shattered….

As a final act of defiance, you looked at the man you had imagined your whole future with, the first man you ever contemplated marrying, the one you had fallen for the moment you saw him, the one you had believed to be what more romantic people would call your soulmate, and spit in his face. " _Go to hell"_ , you screamed before another blow hit your face. Without a care in the world, Pat eyed you from top to bottom, shrugged his shoulders and mumbled _pity_ before a combat knife was unsheathed.

The next hours were a blur of blood, pain, torture and despair inflicted by the man you had once loved. Since you had taken precautions and deleted or removed all the information HYDRA was trying to attain, you were the only source for all the details. It was essential in your position to know all of your missions and agents by heart and Pat knew that only too well.

You never broke, so after several hours Pat grew impatient and decided on a new tactic. With a careless hand gesture an image appeared on the screen dominating the centre wall of the room. Your mother’s face flickered across the monitor, blooded and beaten, HYDRA agents surrounding her while she was sitting, hands bound, on a wooden chair in the kitchen of your children’s home. The very same kitchen Pat had helped prepare Christmas dinner with you while drinking eggnog and giggling at your family's quirks. The same kitchen he had caught you in a tight embrace on thanksgiving, kissing you deeply and whispering how grateful he was to have you.

Next to it a second video feed appeared showing our father, in the middle of a meeting at the firm he was leading. The video’s perspective was only too clear: it was shot through a gunsight on top a sniper rifle, the crosshairs directed at your father’s head. For the first time tears trickled down your cheeks.

It was in that very moment the glass door was blown open and a SHIELD tactical unity stormed the room. Gunfire exploded around you, a cascade of noise, blood and yelling. A bullet hit your shoulder, another one grazed your hip. You hardly felt it, eyes glued to the images of your parents. You saw Pat sway as bullets hit his legs, but not before he yelled one last order. With wide eyes you watch your parents’ heads fly back as bullets penetrated their heads. " _Hail Hydra, love"_ , you hear Pat whisper as he hit the floor, knees finally giving in, the evil smile still plastered across his face. Your screams, resounding through the room as your heart is once and for all ripped to pieces, were deafening.

Your eyes jerk open, screams still echoing through a pitch black room, strong, relentless arms shaking your shoulders. Not knowing where you are, your fighting instincts immediately kick in. You struggle against the hold, hands searching for a leverage point, finding the hard ridges of a chest, landing blows that cause the air to escape in a huff from your opponent. Finally your fingers full of panic find a throat and squeeze, and you can feel the enemy suddenly straining to suck in oxygen. You press harder before a hand yanks at your wrists. Cold and smooth, not like skin ... Metal!, your brain realises through the haze of sleep. Relentless with whirring gears the hand pushes your wrists down, holding them in an unforgiving grasp, while a knee fixates your legs. " _Hey, hey_ … _Please, please, doll, calm down, it was just a dream, it’s me … Bucky…"_ You pause, reality slowly taking shape. The reason you hadn’t realised where you were, was because you were in Bucky’s room where he had carried you after that intense “training session” in the kitchen, both longing for more physical contact, to finally again be close to somebody, clinging to each other as if drowning in a sea of despair. You collapse, all strength leaving your body as Bucky carefully releases your arms and legs. With one swift movement his arms wrap around your waist and the hands on your back press you into his huge chest _. "Shh, it was just a dream"_ , his dark soft voice repeats.

But it wasn’t, it wasn’t a dream, but reality, your past, sneaking back in at night, haunting you and never letting go. His embrace became even fiercer when the first sob ripped through your shaking body.

There was a reason you hardly ever slept.


	4. Never let you go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow more angst happened...

Bucky held you close, trying to calm your erupting emotions, soft hands caressing your back and head, light kisses were placed occasionally on your scalp. After some time, you could feel him relaxing, letting go of the tension and bad memories you had probably also brought back into his dark of the night, when pictures inflicted by HYDRA were haunting your sleep. His arms slightly releasing you from the almost bone breaking embrace gave you the final clue that Bucky had fallen asleep again. Carefully shifting, you observe the hard face next to you slowly relaxing too, the countenance of the stern assassin Winter Soldier giving way to the appealing, charming face of Sergeant Bucky Barnes. Even a tender smile was forming on his full lips as you could see eyes move behind closed eyelids. In contrast to you, Bucky for once seemed to have a pleasurable dream. You reach up and brush a strand of dark brown hair out of his face and tuck it behind one ear.

You were still wide awake, adrenalin pumping through your veins and despite having a skilled soldier next to you, every sound in the whole building was making your nerves flicker, your heart race with panic, body ready to fight again if necessary.

You knew the symptoms far too well: PTSD had been your companion for the last 2 years and even though you managed quite well nowadays, there were still situations that would cause outbursts of aggression, disproportionate violence or just simply panic attacks and crying fits. You did your best to hide your weakness and having Bucky, a close associate of the Avengers and a defining member of SHIELD, see what truly lay underneath, made it hard to breathe while panic was rising. It meant vulnerability, people knowing your weak points. It meant danger.

And after all it also meant danger to Bucky. Even though he hadn’t yet come fully to terms with all that HYDRA forced him to do in the past, he was progressing very well. You knew he had wandered the facilities at nights less often recently and he had become more at ease around people and with his metal arm. It was a long and tedious process and there was no way you would drag him back again. Bucky didn’t need another issue weighing him down, someone to remind him even more of what HYDRA was able to do to people. His sleep was finally coming back to him and no screams should ever wake him in the dead of the night, making him jump, bringing back his memories of killing and hurting. No hands around his throat should catapult him back into a time when he wasn’t safe, when death and pain were an ever constant companion. He deserved so much better.

With sad eyes and a light kiss on his cheek, you slide from his arms and get up. The bedroom door was open and you manoeuvre yourself through the dark around the furniture of the living room, before finally reaching the door of Bucky’s apartment. And then, the very moment you touched the door handle, blaring light exploded, illuminating the room and blinding your eyes. A sleepy voice utters one simple question: “ _And where do you think you’re goin’?_ ” Bucky was standing in the doorframe, hair tousled, muscular arms crossed over his naked chest. You sigh, so much for your elegant and swift escape. “ _You know I can’t stay, Bucky … I can’t do this to you. You don’t need another liability._ ” Tears form in your eyes. “ _I just tried to kill you… I ... I couldn’t bear to hurt you!_ ” “ _Doll, …_ ” Bucky’s voice was full of compassion and care as he took a step towards you, nevertheless you retreat back, believing to not be able to stand any closeness right now. Your back hit the door as you tried to blink back tears. “ _Doll, it takes a lot more to hurt me than your precious body. Please, don’t … don’t leave me … like I am some sick broken man that can’t handle …_ ” His voice trailed off as memories seemed to shoot across his mind behind deep blue eyes, brows furrowing and lips tightening. “ _Can’t handle what, Bucky? Can’t handle the fact that HYDRA ripped you apart? All the torture, all the pain? You have enough of your own! And now you ARE finally coming to terms with it! You don’t need any more of this! I will not pull you back into this nightmare_!” Your emotions suddelny got the better of you and you screamed into Bucky’s face, your whole body shaking, hands clenched into fists.

“ _That can’t handle closeness, passion, … love anymore…_ ” his voice was almost a whisper when he answered to your outburst, eyes cast down to the floor, shame and grief causing his voice to tremble. His confession caught you fully off guard and with open mouth you stare at the man before you, this strong soldier laying bare his soul, his face so full of emotion. Your sore conscience got even worse. That you might be the reason this tortured man should suffer even more was ripping your heart to pieces.

“ _You might be the first good thing to happen to me in almost a century ... Doll, I will not let you go!_ ” With the last sentence confidence and determination found their way back into Bucky’s voice, his deep eyes now fixating yours. With two long strides he closes the distance between you, body towering over you, pressing you into the door in your back. A hand gently rises to your cheek, fingers caressing the skin. “ _I will not let you go!_ ” is the last thing you hear before a dominating, passionate kiss is pressed onto your lips that makes your knees weak and lets your resolutions crumble.

“ _Bucky, please, …_ “, in one last effort you try to reason with the man already numbing all your sensible thoughts with his lips, his fingers drawing tender circles all over your neck and shoulders. “ _No way, doll!_ ” His velvet smooth voice rolls over your skin as his lips move to your throat and your jaw, leaving feather light kisses and moist trails of tongue. Finally, your tension slowly decreases, giving way to new emotions: the need for closeness, the need to touch, the need to never let go. And maybe also the slight glimmer of hope that somehow this, he, might be a spark of light in all the darkness. Bucky, feeling you relax against his chest, moves his hands along your back and to your ass, lifting you up with ease as you wrap your legs around his waist. His lips never leave yours as he starts walking back into his bedroom. “ _I will take you to bed, doll, and don’t you dare trying to run off again! I do know how to fetter people!_ ” And with the feral growl that was the last sentence, the dominating assassin was back, chasing away any idea of flight, but also any implication of danger. The notion that this man holding you was controlling your surroundings and had taken control of you and your body as well was enough for now to dispel all shadows lurking in the dark.


	5. Your knife, her body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some more smut ...yay! :D

“ _I want you, Babe, so much, there’s no way I’m letting you go, not now.”_ Bucky whispers in your ear, voice full of dark passion before he gently places you down on the bed. “ _You’re mine and I’ll make sure you never forget that!_ ” Again your lips are captured in a deep kiss, teeth softly biting until your mouth opens and a hot tongue slides inside, dancing around yours, conquering every inch, before moving to your throat, exploring every bit of skin with lips, teeth and tongue as if to memorise every part of your body, sucking and leaving obvious marks all over your skin. “ _Mine_ ” is growled again lowly as lips move over your belly, tongue languidly tracing your hip bones, a metal hand gliding over your breasts, pressing you down into the mattress. The other hand shimmers across your knee, your thigh, the inside of your thigh, inching closer and closer to where hips and legs meet, teasing you until one finger is slowly dragged over your panties still covering your core. Your mind, still an emotional mess after the scene before, is overcome with need and finally loses focus when you can feel hot breath over your wet warm centre as Bucky’s lips move lower and past the waistband. A finger hooks into your panty and with one yank it is pulled down to your knees. The mechanic hand is still pressing your collarbone down, as Bucky glances up from between your legs, a wild glimmer in his eyes and a roguish grin across his lips. When a first chaste kiss is places on the inside of your thigh, you already start to squirm, eager to feel more, needing more, but Bucky is still holding you down with relentless force with his metal hand and softly places another kiss only inches away from the first spot. Teasingly, slowly, he is taking his time, pausing to look up to you, locking eyes with you as he places another kiss right above your clit, now adding a swift dart of tongue, only enough to cool your flush hot skin for a moment. You groan in agony. It was obvious that this was punishment and revenge for trying to sneak off before. Hot breath ghosts over your wet core and nearly drives you insane. Hands rake over the sheets in desperation while you finally manage to breath out his name: “ _Bucky … Bucky, please …_ “ _Yes, doll?_ ” The smirk on his face and the amused glimmer in his eyes make you want to punch his gorgeous face as he looks up at you in perfect innocence. “ _Please, I need to feel you, please, please, touch me._ ” Want is already fully clouding your brain and your pride had flown out of the window the moment Bucky had set out on his way down your body. You didn’t care how desperate you sounded. But despite your pleas, Bucky did the opposite of what you had hoped for, longed for, but was rising from between your legs and placing both hands next to your face, towering over you and attentively mustering your face: “ _Now, doll…_ ” silence follows as his eyes wander over your body and a wet tongues darts out to lick across his lower lip. It is evident that also Bucky is straining to hold back and not simply jump at you and take you in every way he wanted, but he obviously had a point to make: “ _You see, I think only my good girl deserves to have me make her moan my name and scream under my touch, but you… you weren’t a very good girl tonight, were you?_ ” Breath caresses your lips as his face moved closer during the last question, tongue gliding over your lips, but quickly pulling back when you try to answer with your own tongue. You squeeze your eyes shut, need becoming too much, feeling Bucky so close to you, teasing you. A silver finger gently touches the side of your throat, drawing circles, down your collarbone to your breast, closer and closer to your hard nipple, cool against skin full of desire. You draw in a quick breath, waiting, wanting to finally feel more, eyes still shut to revel in the cool smooth touch of silver. But before finally reaching its goal and caressing the centre of your breast the finger is gone and you suddenly feel a sharp hank at your hair. The metal hand had snuck behind the back of your head and fisted your hair, with Bucky now pulling your head back and down almost relentlessly. In the same moment his own head dives down, kissing and licking your exposed throat, the mixture of pleasure and pain almost enough to make you come undone there and then. Bucky’s deep voices growls against your skin as the hand in your hair yanks at it again: “ _I believe I asked you a question, doll?_ ” Lips move again over your chest, your breasts to your stomach, kissing along your hip bones, causing you to see stars and more and more slick wetness to pool between your legs. “ _I … I…_ ”, Bucky’s plush lips moving over your hip to your thigh has you flustered and unable to form any consecutive sensible phrase. “ _Who do you belong to, doll_?” Once again breath dances over your drenched centre, leaving you writhing beneath the metal hand that has now moved to fixate your hips.

And then a tongue licks across your core, tip parting your folds, diving in, before lazily circling your bundle of nerves. The so long awaited touch is enough to make your vision go blurry and your back arches from the bed, leaning into the sensation.

 “ _You, you, Bucky, I'm yours!_ ”

You almost scream the answer, desperate to keep him going, for him to not stop what felt so good. You hear a dark chuckle: “ _That’s what I though, babe. You are all MINE_!” And with that he is all over you, licking, kissing, letting his tongue dance over your most sensitive body parts, sucking at your clit and with long powerful licks full of dexterity and small soft circles of tongue he coaxes from you more and more sighs and screams, hand disappearing in his hair and hips bucking until finally your body explodes in waves of pleasure beyond what you thought was possible. Bucky’s name becomes the only thing you know as you scream it into the night.

As your breath slowly turns normal again and you float down from your high, Bucky’s chiselled figure is once again towering over you, watching your every movement and expression with intense eyes. His metal hand once again snakes in your hair as he bends down for another passionate kiss, tongue twirling around yours as you can taste yourself on his lips. You caress his face with your fingertips, still in disbelief over the strength and power of this - your - man. All the things he had had to face and yet here he was taking care of you, keeping you alive, afloat to not drown in the sea of despair and darkness your life had become. After all he had to endure, he still cared so much. You had no idea how you deserved somebody like this in your life.

After one last gentle kiss, Bucky fell onto the bed next to you and snakes an arm around you to pull you back into his strong chest. It’s 4am and suddenly you realised how tired you were. A sleepily whispered “ _Mine_ ” is the last thing you hear before you drift off to sleep – for once deep, dark and not filled with terrible memories.

 

 

You woke up after what seemed for once to be a relaxing night without any nightmares with the light of the sun coming in through the blinds and soft fingertips tracing patterns across your body. When you lazily open your eyes, you can see Bucky, sitting up with his back against the headboard of the bed, watching you in your sleep. As you see his face, however, all the worries from last night hit you once again. Brows furrowed, jaw muscles clenching and releasing, eyes dark and gloomy, he gazes at the trails of his fingers. Only now you realise that he is not drawing irregular patterns on your skin, but following something … your scars. Pat had been more than gifted when it came to torture and during that day back then he had had enough time to apply his knowledge to your body. Chest, back, arms and legs were covered with cuts, burn marks and scars from where the bullets at the final showdown had hit you. Not only had your will to live and your mind been broken by Pat’s deeds, also your body was left a bleeding mess. It took months to fight back and recover, and more often than you liked your movements were still not as fluid or as defined as you wanted them to be, still processing the events of that day, just as your soul did. You looked at Bucky, who still continued to trace your scars, until you placed your hand softly on his and stop .it in its tracks. “ _Who did this to you_?” Bucky’s voice is strained from what seemed to be supressed anger, his metal hand twitching and closing into a fist as he kept staring at your violated body. You felt increasingly uncomfortable and ashamed for the state of your skin, overwhelmingly aware of each imperfection that was marking it. You turned your back towards Bucky and stared at the wall, curling into a ball to hide as much of blemished skin as possible. “ _You know what happened to me…_ ” Your voice is quiet and full of reluctance. It was bad enough to try and come to terms with the emotional toll the incident had taken on you, the way it had left your body was something you hadn’t even began to truly process. It was the most intimate thing there was for you, all those scars mirroring the scars on your soul and feeling Bucky’s stare made you shiver.

“ _I … I knew about the assault and, and your parents, but not about this…_ ” The voice from the man next to you was now softer, almost incredulous when considering the numerous scars. You realised that this was the first time he was seeing you naked in clear daylight, not just dim lit rooms when brains where clouded with passion and desire. You sit up, angry and agitated. You really had no interest in discussing the various injuries your ex inflicted with great pleasure on your body on the worst day of your life, especially not directly after waking up. “ _What? Did you think, I went down without a fight? I thought you were quite experienced when it comes to HYDRA and torture_.” you snapped back at Bucky, blue eyes now widening in surprise. The moment the words left your lips, you instantly regretted your needless outbreak of anger. You felt vulnerable and exposed, but there was no need to be hurtful to the man who had taken so good care of you the night before. You let your head hang low in shame: “ _I’m sorry, Bucky, I didn’t mean to … I’ll just go, ok?_ ” The look of hurt and anger on Bucky’s face almost broke your heart. You sighed deeply. A bitter voice rose in your head: “ _Congratulations, you once again mucked up perfectly. You are just incapable of any human interaction…_ ” You trotted towards the door, emotions still raging inside you, not knowing what to say.

It was only a whisper the moment you were about to step through the bedroom door, but you heard it nevertheless.

“ _I will kill him!_ ”


End file.
